Look Where You Want to Go, Not Where You Don't

A few years ago while vacationing at the beach, something possessed me to take a surfing lesson. I struggled mightily to even get on the board--I'm not exactly athletic. Miraculously, I did learn to stand after an hour or so, and I even caught a couple of waves. But the rides never lasted for more than a few seconds and each ended the same way: I crashed into another surfer. "Why does this keep happening?" I asked my instructor with exasperation. His reply has resonated with me ever since: "Dude, stop looking at those other surfers. Look where you WANT to go and not where you DON'T." He explained that surfers will inevitably go in the direction they are looking, even if they think they are trying to do otherwise.

Some months later, I was observing an after school bicycle program for young kids and witnessed something I had never seen before. The instructor was teaching kids to ride their bikes on a long two-by-four beam--that's right, two-by-four. So these kids had to keep their bike wheels within a four-inch range or they fell two inches to the ground. The kids who were having the most trouble kept their heads down, looking worriedly at the ground in an attempt to keep from falling. They fell off every time. "Keep your heads up and look where you want to go!" admonished the instructor. With great surprise I watched child after child ride the length of the beam without faltering--and each one looked toward the finish instead of at the ground.

So these two experiences flipped on a light switch. Does this wisdom apply to most every pursuit in life? By worrying and over-focusing on our fears, do we actually manifest what we are trying to avoid? I can name a handful of personal instances in which that idea rings true. More than once I have confronted angry people with my own anger--solely because I was anticipating a fight. Such anger was always counterproductive. Had I imagined a gentler conversation, might that have been the result? I can say for sure that the times I have visualized a positive outcome ended successfully more often than not. I looked where I wanted to go instead of where I didn't. 

I would love to hear other examples of this--or refutations if you have any to share. Please comment!

"The High Meadows Way"--What Exactly Is It?

"We have our own unique way of doing things at High Meadows: We call it 'The High Meadows Way'." 

When I began as head of High Meadows almost five years ago, I heard variations of this statement multiple times from many different people. So I began the journey of understanding just what the "way" really is. I'm still on that journey, and here are some things I have learned:

High Meadows is a progressive school. As such, we have always been about

• encouraging students to ask questions, 
• valuing unstructured play time, 
• organizing classes in a multiage setting, 
• integrating the arts and connections into all areas of our program, 
• evoking in students curiosity and love of learning for its own sake, 
• promoting social justice, human dignity and social-emotional growth,
• engendering in students a deep appreciation of and sense of responsibility for nature, and
• trusting that children are capable of being more than the world often allows.

These practices are just some examples of how we live our mission and guiding principles--the guideposts for everything we do.

I've also learned another important lesson: The High Meadows Way is not a wholesale adherence to a fixed set of practices and traditions. Such a belief would be short-sighted and inflexible. Instead, The High Meadows Way is about exploring, examining, innovating, and assessing life in such a way that our actions continue to grow and evolve in service to our students and our community.

One more lesson learned: Our mission and guiding principles are well balanced between being specific directives and open-ended ideals. As with anything open-ended, responsible interpretation is necessary to make those words come to life. Just as the U.S. Supreme Court interprets the broad scope of the Constitution, so does a faculty, administration, parents and students interpret a school's mission. And, as with a Supreme Court decision, interpretations vary widely. The true spirit of the High Meadows Way is to foster conversation and fearless communication about our mission and principles and the differences of interpretation we may hold. 

Ultimately, The High Meadows Way is a path in the woods. It goes on and on and sometimes diverges, but it ultimately leads toward the same place--a place where children and adults grow ever closer to understanding themselves and each other.

Who Will Love Me as I Am?

My family loves Broadway musicals. Over Thanksgiving break, we saw a particularly wonderful--and personally meaningful--revival of a musical called "Side Show." We had been fans of the show for years, as it had a regrettably short three-month run in 1997, and the girls grew up listening to the soundtrack [as of this writing, it has already been canceled after a two-month run, which is baffling due to the rave reviews it received].

The show is based on the true story of conjoined twins Violet and Daisy Hilton, who were the headliners of a carnival "freak show" in the 1920's. They went on to be the highest paid performers in Vaudeville history and, sadly, performed their swan song in the cult exploitation movie "Freaks." The first act centers around their life in the side show and introduces the audience to the other performers--the bearded lady, the chicken-head-eating geek, and the dog boy among others. The show opens with a barker enticing people to "Come Look at the Freaks." Each performer colorfully plays up his character to a lasciviously voyeuristic audience. But behind the dark glamour of the side show, we quickly learn that the performers lead a harsh life bereft of human comforts and respect from their cruel "owner." Still, the performers find comfort in their shared circumstances; they live as a family and support each other come what may.

The show has many powerful moments and runs the audience through the gamut of human emotions. But it is the end of the first act that really sticks with me. As Violet and Daisy earn more accolades, talent agents come knocking, eager to make money off of them--and the spectacle of their being conjoined. The sisters dare to dream that the world will love them as performers and that the agents, who quickly become suitors, will love them as people. After some heartbreaking moments in which the twins come to learn that the men they have fallen for are ashamed of them, they declare their sorrow and question "Who Will Love Me as I Am?" The duet is hauntingly beautiful. "Who could see beyond this surface?" they ask. But the most powerful moment comes at the song's end as the lights illuminate the entire cast behind them echoing their words: "Who could proudly stand beside me? Who will love me as I am?"

The message is stunning: We are all "freaks." We are all in search of love. All of us. And there are moments in our lives when we question if we will ever really find it. Sounds depressing, I know. But to me, the message is one of commonality, of unity, of shared human experience. When we recognize that we are all on a quest for acceptance and love--one of the core tents of the Adlerian psychology on which Positive Discipline is based--we are better able to empathize, to see beyond the surface, to form deep relationships out of respect for the pain of others. Just as we inevitably feel the same pain. For example, actions that on the surface appear to be borne of anger or ill-will are really based on fear, something we can all relate to. Knowing that, we can truly empathize and help each other grow.

It makes me so sad that you will not be able to see "Side Show" on Broadway. But the soundtrack is out there. If you want to hear for yourself, click here to listen to it. And feel your capacity to empathize grow ever greater.

Thinking Ahead

We all "think ahead" to what's next. What's coming up today? What do I need to plan for this week? What's happening this month, this year, that I need to anticipate? This is a temporal way of thinking ahead. But I look at thinking ahead as a qualitative description--a way of thinking that goes beyond the way we have thought traditionally.

High Meadows practices both kinds, but excels particularly in the qualitative. Here are some contrasts with conventional "school" thinking that will show you what I mean:

Conventional Thinking vs. High Meadows' "Thinking Ahead"

Academic rigor vs. Intellectual vitality

Preparation for life vs. Life itself*

Be the same vs. Be the change**                               

Tell vs. Ask
"Houston, we have a problem." vs. "Atlanta, we can find a solution."

Teacher as pail-filler vs. Teacher as fire-starter***

Accept information as truth vs. Question the veracity of information
Study it vs. Do it

“Good job on your essay!” vs. “The metaphors in your essay are quite vivid!"

Book report vs. Book review

Specials vs. Connections
Compliance vs. Self-advocacy
Flourescent light vs. Sunlight

Arbitrary Punishments vs. Logical Consequences

“Work quietly on your own." vs. “Work together and talk it through.”

“School? Nooooooo!” vs. “School? Yessssssss!”

What did I miss? Comment and let me know!

*Props to John Dewey

**Props to Mahatma Gandhi

***Props to William Butler Yeats

              

How High Meadows Staffers Communicate When They Need Help

What follows is an email exchange between Middle Years English Teacher Meddie Finnegan and Technology Integration Specialist Mitch Novy. Meddie's Activboard was acting up and she was requesting Mitch's assistance. This is how the interaction went down...

Dear Mitch,

I have the Activboard blues. This time the keyboard won’t work. Here’s a little song I wrote about it – for your entertainment.

I have the active board blues

I feel it in my shoes,

A keyboard that won’t work

Mr. Calibration is a jerk.

The hard drive, she is fussy –

A deep hibernation hussy,

And a pen that was on the lam

Really left me in a jam

The active board blues -

Oooooh, the active board blues –

Whoooaaa whooooaaaa 

Dear Meddie,

Here is a rap version of my response:

Yo, my name is Mitch and I’m here to say

I don’t want you to feel dismay.

Activboards can be a useful tool

But when they don’t function, you look like a fool.

I’ll bring a new keyboard from our stash.

That old one you have belongs in the trash.

I’ll check the board’s pen for you, Meddie,

We’ll get you back to being happy and ready.

Word.

Needless to say the problem got fixed right away.